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.: Monday, December 02, 2002 :.

Happy Christmas Thoughts
If Your Going, Go Big

Theres nothing quite like working retail around Christmas. Swarms of shoppers demanding information I can't provide, giving me scolding looks because they can't figure out why the store is out of the George Foreman Grill, or Pot of Gold Chocolates, on Christmas Eve, and looking for Advent Calanders on the 5th of December.

Heck, I just like working retail around times when I can displease stupid shoppers the most. Christmas and Back To School being the best times of the year for this.

I always love it when its my fault that people waited until the 20th of December to start their shopping. It's in no way my fault, the shopper knows this, but they also know that they're a Moron for waiting, and being a Moron, they like to pass blame, and since I'm the one with the name badge and a face, I become an effigy for them to burn.

Note: If you get pissed off or start to cry when people pin their misfortunes on you, Don't work retail. However, if you laugh, and skwirm in giddy joy at the realization that you've found yourself a complete Idiot of whom you can now you use educated jokes on (IE, Insults right to their faces) without them even having the slightest inclination that they're being made fun of, then find yourself a big box store and drop your resume off.

Misconceptions that people make are just amazing some times. I mean, I'm not a bloody computer, but for some reason people think I am; Check it:

- Because I'm sporting the Uniform, I know where everything in the store is, not to mention whether or not its in stock.

- Should the item not be in stock, I know the exact date and time that the product will be restocked, how many the store will be getting, and the home phone number of the customer who wants it.

- I've had extensive training in the feild of Vacuum Cleaners, and can tell you exactly which vacuum will suit your needs. (Truth of the matter is they all suck -- har har)

- I'm exactly perfect in every possible way [well this isn't too far from the truth :^) ]

Another thing I get a lot of is "I've been waiting for a month and a half now for you to be getting this item back in stock". A lady actually pulled this sh!t on me tonight, she whips out the flyer and starts angrily pointing at this grill. The funny thing is that underneath the price are the words 'Special Purchase'. Special Purchases are items that the store doesn't carry on a regular basis, things we order around Christmas because we know that people will buy them for other people, who would never buy that item for themselves in the first place (Christmas is a wonderful time of year). So she claims she's been waiting a month and a half for it, and I'm thinkig 'if this lady were any more full of sh!t she'd burst', the longest she could have possibly been waiting (if she waited at all, I'll explain that in a secound) is a week or two, depending on when the flyer was shipped. The best part is pointing this out to the customer. As a friend of mine would say, this is the 'TSN Turning Point', The power shifts completely to me, as I politely point out how much of a moron she really is. The customer realizes that I'm on to their little plot, and suddenely she become much more cooperative, and heck of a lot less angry. Now that everythings cleared up, It becomes evident that this person probably hadn't been waiting for the grill at all, but was instead claiming she had been waiting for it to envoke some sort of sympathy in me, and get me to work a bit harder for her (how about, NO).

Oh the things I wish I could say to people, but I never will, aside from this vent I'm a pleasent person.

A lot of people can never decide where they want to go, and so they pause in the most inconveinant places. IE: middle of the aisle, with their shopping cart spun out perpendicular to them blocking any possible room that could have been used to pass them. To these people I'd most like to say 'I need you to decide where your going, and GO there'. Not that mean, but a small kick in the bum is often all thats needed to right the mind of a person with intellect of a small child.

That brings up another note: A person stopped in aisle with a cart is a can of hurt waiting to happen. It doesn't matter what you do to avoid it, the buggy is destined to touch or inflict pain on you in some form another. Try passing the person, and they'll either spin the buggy out and hit you with it, or realize that someones attempting to pass them, and speed out in front of you (the fact that you have to make a rather hasty stop in this case can hurt your feet). Try Cutting down an aisle before them so that you can skip around them, and they'll move to a new spot somewhere along your detour and form a new barrier.

Alright, I think thats all I'm going to rant tonight / this morning. I hope this super post makes up for a month of no posts, not that anyone reads this, though I hope people do read this particular post.

Peace Out.
I think you need to go calm down with a Pre-moistened towelellete.

posted by _ Andrew_ at 12:25 AM

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