*Best viewed using Firefox
.: Saturday, June 18, 2005 :.
Pick on me while you can, I'm just getting started.
Most days at work I'm made to listen to how i've ruined some ratty old woman's day by not having any golf balls in stock, the day before fathers day no less.
On behalf of all the people that have ever called this sort of folly my fault, I'd like to clear the air. Your absolutely right. Theres a Giant retail conspiracy, and it's aimed cleary at depriving you of cheese poofs.
I'm the mastermind behind it, and while I deny this in store, i'm secretly laughing at your insolence.
When you ask me to check things in the stock room, I don't actually know where its kept, I pretend like I do to toy with you. In the five minutes I use to 'check', I can get a drink from the water cooler, and see where everybodies going for lunch that day. I've never actually stepped foot in this 'supposed' stock room.
The simple directions I give you to find the bread, "the next aisle over", is actually an encoded message for you to "go to hell".
When you tell me that you've already been down this aisle looking for marshmallows, I know you didn't walk right by them like an idiot. I went down the aisle just before you did, and hid all marshmallows under a blanket. A blanket of delicous marshmallow deprevity.
Condensation is a myth. When items that need to be frozen or refridgerated are out of a cooler for a few secounds, they leak. I tell you that its some crazy hocus pocus water molecules forming on the side of the container due to the laws of nature and physics because I think your a chump.
My eyes are apparently on par with superman's. I have the innate ability to read fine print on packaging.
If theres one thing in the end that i'm clearly not, its a student whose just trying to get enough money to pay for school next term, his car insurance, gas, books, and a little fun every now in then.
|
